Opa's Pithy Sayings

"Dennis, I'm in trouble!" This is how he starts his conversation when something goes wrong.
"I have a flat tire on my scooter." How in the world?????? Dad is taking his "flat" to be fixed.
"I can't find my remote for the TV." It was at the front desk after having been picked up in the hall.
"My TV doesn't work." He had fiddled with all the dials and messed everything up.
The next time was when he knocked the phone jack out of the wall with his scooter while maneuvering his chair.
"My phone doesn't work." He didn't have it on the cradle correctly and it wasn't charging.
"My foot hurts in these shoes." Dad cut a small hole in the area which was hurting and it is fine now. It was a bone sticking out.
"I have no underwear and my laundry isn't back." Well, he had put them into his drawer and forgot. He had plenty.

As I think of more, I'll add them to this list so you all can laugh too.